We only have one chance at this little thing called life.
Embrace it with me?
Personal b(v)log for misformazing
SHARE YOUR STORIES!!
I had an amazing time in the city this past weekend. I went to NJ to meet up with some friends (Justine and Nicky) and then we drove to Queens to meet up with Meghan Tonjes for her gig.
The Bitter End was a really nice venue, superloud speakers!! >.< Tonj had an amazing set and Ron Pope was, as per usual, fantastic. We went out with him, his GF, and fam for some Indian food and had a blast. It felt like a legit NYC trip this time around. :D
Grieving over loss
Sorry to be heavy
But heavy is the cost
Heavy is the cost.
Personal - Stars
One of my favorite songs </3
Being confident doesn’t mean wearing less clothes.
Being confident means wearing the most important accessory of all…
your fearless, beautiful smile.
I used to be that girl that hid behind baggy clothes and a ‘clueless’ grandmother. “Oh, my gram bought me that. I didn’t want to make her feel bad for not wearing it.” “I don’t remember my size, my grandmother buys my clothes.” “My grandmother doesn’t think I should be wearing skin-tight clothing.”
You probably have heard those excuses a million times over. You might have even used one simliar when you were younger. I used to call them my 'decoys'.
Now I’m trying to distance myself away from the ‘decoys’, the excuses, the ‘honest reasonings’ of why I didn’t want to dress myself up as a girl.
I hated dresses. No, I didn’t hate dresses. I hated my thighs (still do). I hated my chub rub. I hated stockings that I felt I always had to wear with a skirt. I never hated the actual dress. I thought they were pretty and danty and could NEVER fit me.
And I just accepted those excuses because noone was there to tell me any differently. I didn’t have friends that were the same size with the same problems. I didn’t befriend Real STRAIGHT boys that actually prefer a bigger girl to a ‘normal’ chick. I didn’t see size-acceptance blogs where big girls posted photos of themselves. Not just photos… but they *gasp* showed off their rolls. THEIR ROLLS. And were proud of themselves.
At first I was like, these people exist? Fat girls that actually love their body? No, wait. This is a joke right? A muscle-y dude that actually can’t stand a skinny chick. WTF? What dream world am I living in???
And then eventually I kind of just faded to the background and looked around. I scrolled through fatshion sites. I [New Tab]d my way through FA articles. It was fascinating and what a rush it brought me. I felt at peace. I felt like I was finally home.
Now, I’m dabbling through online dating sites and talking to MEN that enjoy a bigger girl
(and finally not in a fetish type of sense). I’m wearing dresses (with leggings bc lets me honest… chub rub hurts like a bitch). I started a size-acceptance blog (that I’m still trying to figure out when/how I’m going to post). And I’m (veeeeeeeery slowly) trying to love myself for me. For all 300+lbs of myself. For the acne, and the glasses, and the bumps&dimples and even my rolls. My very predominate (and no I’m not pregnant) rolls.
Breakfast: Eggwhites+tomatoes+onion+spinach and H20
Snack: Forgot ;(
Lunch: Chicken Salad: spinach+romaine lettuce+seedless cucumber+carrots+raw sunflower seeds+chicken and Balsamic Vinagarette
Snack: Apple that I forgot
Dinner: Shrimp Salad: spinach+romaine lettuce+seedless cucumber+carrots+raw sunflower seeds+shrimp and Balsamic Vinagarette
:D Today was a good day with my diet! woot wooot! Although, my scale has been screwing up. :( I bought a new one and they both are giving me different weights everytime I step up. Boo!
Sorry that there wasn’t a vlog/blog yesterday! Worked kicked my petunia lol! I did pretty well on my diet. The only cheat I had was about 1/3cup of chocolate milk (I was feeling weak!!!!) and eating my dinner at 8pm(worked until 7:30p so I’ll have to try to premake meals for those days). All in all, I did well.
Green tea and I have a love/hate relationship. Too much and it gives me killer headaches, but it really did help with my detoxing.
I think the most frustrating part of this would be my grandmother. She means to help me, but she’s just not understanding what whole foods is all about. I tell her FRESH food — veggies, fruits, lean meats, raw nuts, beans, whole wheat. Then she’ll bring me two bags full of processed breakfast bars, popcorn, italian cookies, those chocolate-raspberry fig newton thins. >.< I just keep repeating my usual mantra with her “she means well… she means well… she means well.”